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alicespringsI wrote a companion piece to Soon. You should probably read that one first if you haven't.
Title: Tomorrow
Timeline: Post 513
A/N: Thanks to Xie for the phrase 'perfect cocksucker lips', which I totally stole.
Feedback: Yes please
This sleeping alone shit is starting to really piss me off. It's late. I can't stop tossing and turning. I'm trying to remember when I loved sleeping alone. A time when I relished spreading out across the bed, able to sprawl uninterrupted.
I can't remember it. All I can remember is Justin. Justin who started sneaking into my bed at 17.
I think about why I let him.
Think about how he gave as good as he got. Think about how the harder I pushed, the harder he held on.
Think about fucking him so hard, trying to test his limits, until I realized he didn't have any. He almost wore me out. Think that no man has ever matched me in bed like Justin. Think about the best blowjobs I've ever had. His name's on every one of them. The way he knows exactly what I like. The way I taught him. The way he took everything I had to give, and never stopped wanting more. Think about how he gives himself to me when we fuck. How he always gives me everything, except for the time when he ... didn't.
Think about him looking lost, and knowing it, but ignoring it. Think about those fucked-up weeks when we both knew something had to give. Think about feeling betrayed when Mikey told me about the fiddler, but mostly, feeling angry at myself for letting it get that far. For not stopping it earlier.
Think about Jack and Joanie. Think about screaming, think about fists, think about silence. Think that love is bullshit.
Think about Justin coming back. Think that he looked a little older and wiser, think that he was happy to be back, but that he didn't look at me the way he used to. Before Hobbs.
Think about how he's the only person, the only one who always saw straight through my bullshit. Think about how he's the only one I want to see through my bullshit.
Think about him whispering to me at night, clutching my hand, when I was too fucking sick and too fucking tired to do anything but lie there.
I think about touching his hair. Playing with it. So fucking soft.
I think about his lips. His perfect cocksucker lips. Think about kissing him for hours.
I think about his skin. The world's softest skin I fucking swear it. Think about running my hand across his chest, against his cheek, down his back.
Think about him coming back from Hollywood. Looking so fucking sad. Defeated. Think about letting him down. Again. About how my principles were too important to bend for him. For Michael, for anyone.
Think about him being gone. Gone for good this time and thinking my principles weren't worth shit.
Think about being too proud to admit it. But knowing it at least.
Think about hearing about the bomb.
Think about how he was all I could think about.
Remember thinking, please, don't let anything happen to him.
Think about walking through Babylon, seeing bodies, seeing blood.
Seeing a silk scarf and bloody concrete.
Seeing him and feeling more relieved than ever in my life.
Think about holding him. Having him back in my arms. Think how close I'd come to never being able to do that. Think what a fucking idiot I was. Think about how much I love him.
Think that telling him that was the easiest thing I'd ever done in my life.
Think about him saying yes. Yes, I will marry you.
Think that now he'd never be able let me go again.
Think about feeling so free. So happy. Think about lying in bed with him, touching him, kissing him, fucking him, laughing with him, holding him, talking to him, smiling with him. Think about his head on my pillow. Think about falling asleep with my nose in his hair. How easy it is to fall asleep with him.
Think about the last time I visited him. Think about his work, his amazing, beautiful work.
Think about how he looks at me now.
Think that he looks at me the same way he did when he was 17. Finally. Think, he's back. He's mine again. And he really fucking loves me.
Tomorrow. I don't know what, but something is going to change. Tomorrow. Fuck sleeping alone.
Title: Tomorrow
Timeline: Post 513
A/N: Thanks to Xie for the phrase 'perfect cocksucker lips', which I totally stole.
Feedback: Yes please
This sleeping alone shit is starting to really piss me off. It's late. I can't stop tossing and turning. I'm trying to remember when I loved sleeping alone. A time when I relished spreading out across the bed, able to sprawl uninterrupted.
I can't remember it. All I can remember is Justin. Justin who started sneaking into my bed at 17.
I think about why I let him.
Think about how he gave as good as he got. Think about how the harder I pushed, the harder he held on.
Think about fucking him so hard, trying to test his limits, until I realized he didn't have any. He almost wore me out. Think that no man has ever matched me in bed like Justin. Think about the best blowjobs I've ever had. His name's on every one of them. The way he knows exactly what I like. The way I taught him. The way he took everything I had to give, and never stopped wanting more. Think about how he gives himself to me when we fuck. How he always gives me everything, except for the time when he ... didn't.
Think about him looking lost, and knowing it, but ignoring it. Think about those fucked-up weeks when we both knew something had to give. Think about feeling betrayed when Mikey told me about the fiddler, but mostly, feeling angry at myself for letting it get that far. For not stopping it earlier.
Think about Jack and Joanie. Think about screaming, think about fists, think about silence. Think that love is bullshit.
Think about Justin coming back. Think that he looked a little older and wiser, think that he was happy to be back, but that he didn't look at me the way he used to. Before Hobbs.
Think about how he's the only person, the only one who always saw straight through my bullshit. Think about how he's the only one I want to see through my bullshit.
Think about him whispering to me at night, clutching my hand, when I was too fucking sick and too fucking tired to do anything but lie there.
I think about touching his hair. Playing with it. So fucking soft.
I think about his lips. His perfect cocksucker lips. Think about kissing him for hours.
I think about his skin. The world's softest skin I fucking swear it. Think about running my hand across his chest, against his cheek, down his back.
Think about him coming back from Hollywood. Looking so fucking sad. Defeated. Think about letting him down. Again. About how my principles were too important to bend for him. For Michael, for anyone.
Think about him being gone. Gone for good this time and thinking my principles weren't worth shit.
Think about being too proud to admit it. But knowing it at least.
Think about hearing about the bomb.
Think about how he was all I could think about.
Remember thinking, please, don't let anything happen to him.
Think about walking through Babylon, seeing bodies, seeing blood.
Seeing a silk scarf and bloody concrete.
Seeing him and feeling more relieved than ever in my life.
Think about holding him. Having him back in my arms. Think how close I'd come to never being able to do that. Think what a fucking idiot I was. Think about how much I love him.
Think that telling him that was the easiest thing I'd ever done in my life.
Think about him saying yes. Yes, I will marry you.
Think that now he'd never be able let me go again.
Think about feeling so free. So happy. Think about lying in bed with him, touching him, kissing him, fucking him, laughing with him, holding him, talking to him, smiling with him. Think about his head on my pillow. Think about falling asleep with my nose in his hair. How easy it is to fall asleep with him.
Think about the last time I visited him. Think about his work, his amazing, beautiful work.
Think about how he looks at me now.
Think that he looks at me the same way he did when he was 17. Finally. Think, he's back. He's mine again. And he really fucking loves me.
Tomorrow. I don't know what, but something is going to change. Tomorrow. Fuck sleeping alone.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 12:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 12:35 am (UTC)Waiting for part 3...resolving the *Fuck sleeping alone*.issue.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 12:40 am (UTC)Think about how he looks at me now.
Think that he looks at me the same way he did when he was 17. Finally. Think, he's back. He's mine again. And he really fucking loves me.
YAY. This makes me so happy, and I can absolutely picture Brian thinking all of that.
Tomorrow. I don't know what, but something is going to change. Tomorrow. Fuck sleeping alone.
:-D
I'm so glad you continued after the first part. I loved "Soon," and I like this one even more.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 12:52 am (UTC)Can't wait to see what happens soon, and tomorrow. Cause you aren't going to leave us hanging right?? right? You aren't going to make me beg are you?
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:53 am (UTC)Thanks for the feedback!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 01:23 am (UTC)While you used a very similar writing style for both stories, I really got a sense of each of their unique voices in their respective fics. This is definitely Brian as he clearly and truthfully recognizes his triumphs and failures in his relationship with Justin.
I loved this in particular: Think about how he's the only person, the only one who always saw straight through my bullshit. Think about how he's the only one I want to see through my bullshit. So simply put and so true. Brian put up a front for everyone else, but in the end it was Justin who he was willing to let down his walls for.
And I just love the ending in this one as well. Now we see that shared sense of anticipation that something is coming, and that they need to be together. Such a wonderful and hopeful 2-part reflection on their thoughts of how they got to where they are.
~Ellen
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 09:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 09:09 am (UTC)supa-dupa beautiful
Date: 2007-03-21 04:02 am (UTC)Thanks for writing!
Re: supa-dupa beautiful
Date: 2007-03-21 08:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 04:14 am (UTC)is so beautiful it hurts!
xoxo
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 08:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 04:33 am (UTC)*hums Don't Tell Me*
Think about Justin coming back. Think that he looked a little older and wiser, think that he was happy to be back, but that he didn't look at me the way he used to. Before Hobbs.
Yes.
Think about him coming back from Hollywood. Looking so fucking sad. Defeated.
YES.
Seeing a silk scarf and bloody concrete.
YES!! And thank you!
Think that he looks at me the same way he did when he was 17. Finally. Think, he's back. He's mine again. And he really fucking loves me.
Amen. He really does love you like that, Brian. Trust me.
Damn, were you peeking in my head again? Everything here is what I've thought, believed, and tried to write in one fashion or another. I love it.
So...next part is RIGHT FUCKING NOW, yeah? *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 09:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 04:48 pm (UTC)"Think about how he's the only person, the only one who always saw straight through my bullshit. Think about how he's the only one I want to see through my bullshit."
but i must add..."cocksucker lips" is pretty perfect!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 10:48 pm (UTC)TEH LOVE, pure and lyrical.
Date: 2007-03-21 06:23 pm (UTC)this just says... so much, with so few words... i respect that, i love that.
and this just makes me sigh. happy happy sighs. it just feels so...true.
fuck sleeping alone indeed. "he's mine again" and as for the "really fucking loves me." um, Brian, DUH!
AS, this is just... lovely. it's perfect and a great companion piece to Soon. it's so nice to be inside brian's head as he remembers why he loves justin. he does, that's not in doubt, but his reasoning is sound.
ILY
Re: TEH LOVE, pure and lyrical.
Date: 2007-03-21 10:52 pm (UTC)THANK YOU WIFE! I'm so, so thrilled you liked it. I'm glad it made you sigh happily. Thanks for encouraging me, and giving me concrit and being my wife! ILY2.
Re: TEH LOVE, pure and lyrical.
From:no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 11:01 pm (UTC)Think about how he gives himself to me when we fuck.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 11:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-22 02:47 pm (UTC)~I really love this line! Justin's is just so sad, and it scares Brian not to know how to "fix" him.
This is a beautiful follow-up to Soon. Thank you for sharing!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-22 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-22 11:18 pm (UTC)Sigh - sometimes it's worth the wait and your second part certainly was, too!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-22 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 03:59 am (UTC)Anyway, I understand you believe you're done with this, but I eagerly await whatever your muse decides to hit you with next ;)
Thanks for this, you're a wonderful writer, his POV is firmly established and you are completely true to the character and the love that is B/J :D
no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 08:25 am (UTC)A friend and I have gathered pretty much all the very best QaF fic ever written and recced it over there. The memories are chock full of the very best.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 03:33 pm (UTC)He's mine again. And he really fucking loves me.
Yep... I completely agree with your Brian POV, I'm so pleased he sees it, and doesn't question any more (because that is how I see things too).
no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-28 12:28 pm (UTC)It makes me so happy when Brian gets it. Now if Brian and Justin can just let each other know they are ready for things to change.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-28 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-01 04:45 am (UTC)Very nice job with these! I really enjoyed them both :)
no subject
Date: 2007-06-01 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-16 10:00 pm (UTC)You're great !
no subject
Date: 2007-08-17 12:52 pm (UTC)